Battlefields!

This kid needs help.

Doctor Who

Will RTD do the same to Sarah Jane?

Following last week's Torchwood here are some forthcoming revelations about the new series of The Sarah Jane Adventures.

• 13 Bannerman Road to be destroyed by Suicide Graske, strapped with fusion bombs.
• Rani to contract Slitheen-mutated Swine Flu thus turning her into a pig that her possessed Mother who then attempts to sacrifice to her Lord Satan.
• Luke and Clyde to share their first kiss outside school only to both be kicked into comas by a gang.
• Mr Smith put on the sex offender's register after a massive amount of illegal porn is found on his hard drive.
• K9 falls into sucidally drunken depression and spends the last two episodes trundling around the pavements of Ealing asking for spare change.
• Sarah Jane Smith abducted by MI6 who place her inside a secure facility in Poland where she is beaten, half-drowned, pumped full of truth drugs and made to pose in a series of sexually humiliating photos with a dying Brigadier.
• RTD to run on screen with a banner upon which is written "GROW UP - LIFE IS LIKE THIS!"
• Joe Lidster and Phil Ford to be placed on 24 hour Twitter watch whereby if they receive any criticism, they can call a mercenary team who will come around to your house and kick-in your television for you.
  

Doctor Who

Torchwood: Children of Earth - They are gone?

So we've taken a bit of time to digest the five nights of terrific tv from last week and it's left us with a few questions to ponder. This is spoilerous so don't read if you haven't seen it.

It occurred to us sometime after that it was as if Torchwood had been some wonderful painting that RTD had envisaged - a naked John Barrowman in Bond girl pose, holding a gun alongside his cock with an explosion in the background and a group of supporting characters investigating dark rooms with torches, acting surprised at time distortions and loving the life of people who know aliens exist.

This past week it seemed like RTD had taken his paints and thrown them all at the canvas. He'd drawn a Hitler moustache on John Barrowman, wiped his arse on the frame and then thrown the whole painting into the nearest furnace before nuking it from orbit. The only way to be sure.

BOOM! The Torchwood base destroyed. WHAM! Jack incapacitated for one episode and then getting everything spectacularly wrong. THWACK! Optimism no longer works as loveable characters are torn apart, shoot themselves and others. BOSH! Ianto dead.

Watching the eps unfold not only on TV but also on Twitter it was clear that people (admittedly maybe not many that read this blog) loved the characters and show of Torchwood, they even loved PC Andy. Killing off Ianto and ripping the heart out of Torchwood seemed to have to really upset and angered some of them. Some directed their ire at James Moran - hardly his fault, but then the writers and whominaries seemed to think that this sort of behaviour was incredulous, after all it is only a TV show... well if you make emotional TV, people will get emotional.

There was plenty to love about this version of Torchwood, a genuine SF concept with a 'what if', a superb moral dilemma that Doctor Who could never accommodate, the show should never allow it apart from getting close in stories like 'Genesis of the Daleks'. The politicians were complete bastards, but also compromised, even Nick Briggs got to deliver an evil performance which was lovely and removed from his ring modulator. Acting his socks off and permanently looking like he was going to break down in tears was Peter Capaldi. His ending was heartbreaking and entirely fitting and Capaldi's near collapse after first talking to the 456 monster was brilliant. Get that man a BAFTA.

The 456 itself was excellent, monsters work best only half seen, something Ridley Scott understood and this was great - vomiting, three-headed like a Harryhausen nightmare and shrouded in mist. Once again the production team need to be congratulated.

There was stuff not to love too. Jack felt weak, utterly defeated and castrated and miles away from the cocky charmer Steven Moffat devised in 'The Empty Child' we're almost certain Jack won't return to Doctor Who under the Moff's tenure, but it might be nice to think the devilish charming Jack will return one day.

The ugly business of UNIT also rankles... They didn't try, they just rolled over like the plaything of the US military. It made me feel sad watching the institution which I'd placed my faith in as a kid reduced to this collaborative bunch of wusses. We've talked on this blog before about how RTD has treated UNIT - wiping them out in 'Aliens of London' making the Doctor actively oppose them in 'The Sontaran Strategem' castrating them once more in 'The Stolen Earth' - they have seen off a Dalek invasion before, you know, threatening to kill him in 'Planet of the Dead'... We hope that the Moff can at least restore some of the balance with UNIT. The real armed forces, committed and professional aren't something to be mocked, questioned yes, but RTD's treatment of them raises serious questions about how kids will gain attitudes towards the services.

Once again we also had one of RTD's framing monolgues - the one Gwen speaks at the opening of Day Five about the Doctor was moving and in many ways rather beautiful. RTD obviously thought so and he included it twice in the episode... it was also completely misleading like Rose's for 'Doomsday' - 'this is the story of how I died' - erm, no it wasn't, 'this is how the world ends' erm, no it isn't - you get the idea.

So where does that leave Torchwood the Scooby Doo gang show that nobody wanted to be part of and couldn't sort itself out in what it wanted to be? Well... RTD at least now has the opportunity to start again - Gwen, always Torchwood's anchor has made it through and it would be a shame to lose Eve Myles. Myles has pretty much been with the new franchise from the start and while she will probably go the way of all RTD's team, we hope there can be some scope to keep her going.

Our preference would be to see Torchwood continue as Mission:Impossible type adventure series with all that good time travel Sapphire and Steel stuff that Catherine Treganna does so well. It shouldn't be anchored to Cardiff, but you could still film most of the UK in Wales. Lois can come back, she was pleasant enough, if a little dull... Does it need Captain Jack? Good question. We don't think it does.

The likelihood however is that, along with Earth's numerous 10% focussed alien invasions under Uncle Rusty, the memory of these will all be wiped out in some sort of mass-retcon thing ushered in under the Moff administration. As the Doctor created Torchwood, it's entirely likely that they'll just have ceased to exist (though this in fact creates a bit of a continuity nightmare).

Last week showed how good Torchers could be, when they were prepared to go very bleak and very adult in terms of dilemma, morals and sci-fi, the rest of the show in seasons 1 and 2 did do this, albeit rarely. Children of Earth was not a format for new Torchwood (only in that the show could survive without Jack and let Gwen carry the central character work) but has put the show in a position to have another go and get it right - the ratings, despite reports of internal BBC thinking wanting to kill it off, would suggest that the people do want more.


Doctor Who

10 things we noticed watching The War Games

1. Why didn't the War Chief regenerate?
2. The Doctor's disappearing and reappearing wellies.
3. Everyone loves plastic wall hangings to make rooms.
4. However never hire club decorators to furnish your sets.
5. Vernon Dobtcheff is amazing, even when your character is simply called 'Alien Scientist'.
6. The aliens the War Chief teams up with are clearly human (albeit light sensitive), are they in fact from the future intent on recolonising the planets of their own legacy using other humans from the past?
7. In fact, if they are light sensitive why didn't they just lower their base's lighting instead of wearing the silly glasses they got and augment the abducted human's sight to cope with the dark?
8. Excising the War Lord from history is a bloody dangerous thing to as it creates a huge paradox that directly affects the Doctor. Where was Loz Miles when you needed him?
9. That Dalek had only one 'ear light'.
10. Sonic screwdriver actually used as a screwdriver!

More colourised pics here.

Doctor Who

FUCKSOCKS! We're 2!

Yay, Webmongs, we're TWO today and we'll celebrate by having some cake and maybe a beer. Thank you for all the support over the past 24 months, and the abuse, proving that there is intelligent life online, sadly not all of it in the category marked 'Doctor Who Fans'.

We're now averaging about 6000 visits per month, with about 2500 being absolute uniques, about which we're delighted, considering we're not a forum or anything.

One banned post, one spoof version of the blog (a single-handed hate campaign in fact against one poor bloke who has nothing to do with us), several hundred posts and the odd catchphrase along the way - it's been a pleasure. Well... mostly.

AWF

Doctor Who

Torchwood: Children of Earth 3

And the Torchwood juggernaut ploughs on through the week with last night's episode being half The Real Hustle and half shit-yer-pants proper Quatermass stuff which is provided an exciting if unbalanced mid-point for season 2.5...

Despite Barrowman continuing his one-man PR campaign of stupidity, and RTD once again being involved in a script that contains the word 'protocols' (go on, please try and not use it, just for once, just before you leave, please try) Torchwood has been an enjoyable alien invasion story - mass panic, government conspiracies and some superb acting, especially from Malcolm Tucker himself ("456? 456? 456 is the number of times I will personally skull-fuck your career if you print anything about this alien invasion horseshit!").

Maybe it will all go wrong. Maybe Captain Jack will defeat the invaders by summoning the angels (see Mitchell and Webb), maybe Gwen's baby will hold some special biological code for vapourising them, maybe the Doc'll turn up and gurn them into submission...whatever happens we're still enjoying it! :)

"You hate smilies..."



Doctor Who

Torchwood: Children of Earth 2

Hello readers, well Torchwood continues to be good though last night's ep which revolved around getting Jack of prison was quite a bit of filler (actually Jack ended up in quite a bit of filler too) and seemed to be there to give JB a well-deserved rest after all that acting in ep 1.

What the hell are UNIT up to while the British government prepares to welcome the 456 Monster eh? Twiddling their thumbs and letting Lee Evans get it all wrong I expect... More fun tonight.


Doctor Who